The past decade of my life has been a total roller-coaster. I’ve had some amazing highs; traveling the world, becoming an entrepreneur, moving to another state + creating a new life. Then I had a spiral of ultimate lows; betrayal from friends + mentors, a near death home invasion, a trip to a distant country jail for 6 of the longest days of my life and the great depression that followed.
“Lost” feels like an understatement for what I felt on the inside. I realized that I was walking around in a shell of social anxiety just going with the day to day flow of things but not really moving the same intention I once had.
I went to trauma therapy for a few months after the invasion and I learned some tools there that I began to put into practice when I was up against the wall. I braced myself for a long journey of figuring out who I was and how I can incorporate the parts I love about myself into the person I am today. I needed to find a way to fuse my old self with my new self to get back to a place of authenticity.
I started the journey by slowing down my external life. I needed to listen to my body + what my gut was telling me about things I was doing. Being consistently on the go is fun and always a different experience, but that’s not what I personally was used to. I have always needed to step away from everything, process what’s going on + my feelings towards it and then get back in the mix when I knew where I stood. However, that is not the way I had been doing things in the recent years. How could I expect to be fulfilled when I’m not listening to my intuition?
So I went back to the drawing board and asked myself, “what did you enjoy doing when you were younger? What helped you process things + move forward?” That’s when I realized writing was a huge part of my day to day. When something was heavy in my mind, I wrote about it. When I was overly excited about something, I wrote about it to release some of the energy. When I thought I might die of boredom, I wrote about it. So I decided, maybe I should start writing again.
Along with writing, music + self-care has always been a strong constant in my life. I can always find a song or artist that conveys exactly how I’m feeling. Once that happens, I’m bound to have it on repeat until I make everyone within listening distance tired of it or the feelings have been sung away. One would think the expression, ” there’s a song on my heart” came from someone witnessing my musical madness while I lock down the bathroom taking candlelit baths.
In addition to what worked for me as I was growing up, I need to figure out and incorporate the things from my adult life that has helped me get through or made me happy. A few of those things have been painting, traveling, and helping others where I can.
This is a peak into my journey of self discovery and healing from the past.
My canvas of trial + error, successes and rants.
Hope you will stick around to discover interests, new + old, and heal together.
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